Jurgens: the dark period

In an effort to bring you the best of the forgotten, we want to bring you another hidden treasure from Germany. Please be aware that the chronology of his career gets really confusing after the late 60’s and that there is close to no literature on this genius.

From what we can gather, this track (obtained after years of begging in the collectors’ circuit) comes from the dark period of Jurgens’s life (if he is really a person and not a collective as it has been suggested in the last few years).

The 70’s were not easy for this influential figure. There are some reports of his brutal encounter with heroin, during which he recorded a few albums as Jürgens. Most of the songs in those albums served the only purpose of attacking himself, Jurgens (as opposed to Jürgens), for selling out to the majors (which, of course, never happened, as he continued to self-publish all of his records).

It seems that after having a hand in the composition of Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine Music”, he decided to turn his interest to American folklore and recorded the 1977 conceptual album “Minstrel Show”. Lack of taste or genius parody of American society? That’s for all of us to interpret … We give you “Eat ’em candles too”!!!

Eat them candles too, huuuuuuuuuey!

Fanthoman… viagra? Never!!

Thanks to the fans, friends and family (F*F*F) of Sexy Fanthoman, we have been able to discover a controversial track from the notorious “Fanthoman 69 OST Out-takes in the Outhouse!” tapes. Never one to believe in the existence of the famed tapes, Delroy Leroy suggests that you take the track with a grain of salt. I don’t believe myself either, anyways.

[audio:http://fanthoman.com/wp-content/uploads/fanthoman-e-la-viagra.mp3|titles=fanthoman e la viagra]

Now, let’s pretend for a moment that it is the real andy mccoy. If so, “Fanthoman viagra” –as scribbled, with the rest of the tracks’ titles, on a greasy diner napkin stuck in one of the Cassette cases, according to our “friend”– might be a primitive version of the until now believed to be mythical darkwave-techno-minimalist-operetta that the immortal Jurgens composed for the opening credits of “Fanthoman 69.” If so, then we might begin to wonder about whether it really caused, as rumour might have it, BOTH Terence Stamp and Peter Coyote to reject in quick succession the starring role in said production. Since, at that time, both future sex symbols of sleaze were not the cinematographic legends that they are today, it might be premature to think that just a single song would cause them to say goodbye to the drugs, sex and salami with which they were going to be paid in Italy.

However, according to our research, this might have been exactly what happened, since Coyote’s refusal apparently drove Jurgens, the genius, the… MAESTRO! and director Rogelio “Rocky” Parammoti apart, the last straw in a hyper-hyphened-haystack. Although we have not been able to find (yet) a reliable version of what the Black Forest Amadeus might have considered a suitable working version of the credits theme, we can now assure you that the title of the composition had two direct consequences: first, Jurgens got fired from the project (although he probably considered that he made himself disappear at the right time), and Parammoti notoriously hired his cousin Fredo Pinnoto (of later “Carambola” fame) to finish the soundtrack. Pinnoto, under the “Azucharero” nom-de-plume, left us some memorable tracks that, in order to keep even a remote hint of fairness, we cannot compare to the sketches of the Master.

The second, and perhaps most tragic, consequence of Jurgens’s stubborn determination to single-handedly reshape the future of humankind, would be the introduction of the concept of Viagra to late 1960’s Italy. This is the part of the whole story that makes it actually believable, since there is a lot of evidence pointing at the Italian origin of the demand for the drug. Suffice it to say that, apparently, both Stamp and Coyote thought that they would not be able to shed the stigma of being associated with unmanliness and impotence (impotenzia) at that time, and, therefore, they both rejected the role when offered to them. On the other hand, Jurgens’s symbolic use of Viagra decades before its creation created the sort of time-loop anomaly that he always loved, a trick that he would later teach Argentinian writer Jorge Luis Borges in post World War II Buenos Aires.

All in all, we would like to invite you, dear F*F*F, to enjoy the musik, and to keep working in earnest to uncover more tracks that might shed a light on how the Utopian far-sightedness of Jurgens might have taken us to the… golden future of 69!! We likes, you likes!

Thanks to Salva Chip for restoring the track. Kip Fruckin’ like Fofos, yo F*F*Fs!!

Zwei Jurgens fur alles, bitte!

Ultron vs Descartes

Page of the week – November 17th, 2010

From Chaos War: Dead Avengers #1, here is Ultron’s opinion on Descartes:

By Fred Van Lente and Tom Grummett (more than happy to link to his website, but I couldn’t find one). Mr. Van Lente, is this some kind of prologue to an Action Philosophers crossover?

Wishmaster is a dick (III)

The next step for the Wishmaster is getting a new face, so he goes to the morgue and while he is stealing the face from a fresh corpse, we witness this scene that makes it clear that we are going to be looking at for the next hour (and the other 3 sequels) … the classic “be careful what you wish for” scenario! As we will see later, though, this type of scenes can go from funny to stupid, but I will let you be the judge …

Wishmaster needs a face

Click to read full scene

To be continued …